Since many of you are going to become teachers I thought you might enjoy the following challenge I'm going to issue you. I want you to grade the student's response to the question posed below.
Hell Explained By A Chemistry Student
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is
expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
souls and is therefore, extinct ...... leaving only Heaven, thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
This is a slide show of an unexplainable phenomenon known as Crop Circles which I find intriguing .If this interests any of you and you would like to do the necessary research on the net and speak about this topic in class please by all means feel free. You might want to be careful though since the little green men from Zyljian may not be too happy with you.
These are the little green men from Zyljian. BE CAREFUL!! They are strong , tough and very mean!!
This is a slide show of some of my favorite movies. Every one of these movies is a great movie. I suggest that you spend the money , which in China will usually be from 5 - 10 RMB , and use them as an English language learning tool.Watching movies would be a highly effective and very fun way of keeping your English skills sharp over the summer. Just think of being able to truthfully tell your Moms and Dads that you are studying when they tell you that you are watching too much T.V. You can tell them that I assigned you a summer vacation homework assignment of watching 20 movies if that helps.
There are four weeks left in the semester therefore it is imperative that you speak every chance you get in order to attain the highest mark you can. EVERYBODY will be required to speak at least 3 times in our remaining classes. One of those three times MUST be about the topic " Fruitcakes " The instructions for that lesson are below. It's also imperative that NOBODY be absent for any of the remaining classes.I have pressing business to attend to immediately at the conclusion of this semester. If you do not attend classes and get your final grade you will have to take a zero:
" Fruitcakes"
Come
to class prepared to tell me the meanings of the words and phrases
I have underlined and the meaning of the song. I will also ask you
questions about how this song effects your life or how it may effect
your life in the future. Please consider this carefully and be prepared
to "think on your feet."
Some of the questions I WILL ask are Do you think the " lao wai" are
"fruitcakes"?If so why do you think that" What have you seen the " lao
wai" do that you think is strange or "fruitcakes"? Please be prepared
to give me a full,detailed and specific answer.Please make sure to
either copy or write down the lyrics and bring them to class. I will
play the song for you.I will now give you a little hint. Many American
songs have deep hidden meaning. A lot of metaphor
will be used.This song has a very deep meaning but it is not hidden. It
is right on the surface. This is NOT a difficult assignment. Please do
NOT make it any more difficult on yourselves than it needs to be.
The goal of this lesson is threefold.:
1: To help you learn some new vocabulary.
2: To help you understand how people's life experiences effect the
culture in the form of music in this case but also literature , art ,
food , architecture etc etc. 3: To impart some practical real life knowledge based upon experience.
" Fruitcakes"
By Jimmy Buffett
You know I was talking to my friend desdemona the other day she Runs this space station and bake shop down near boomtown. she told Me that human beings are flawed individuals. the cosmic bakers Took us out of the oven a little too early. and that's the Reason were as crazy as we are and I believe it.
Take for example when you go to the movies these days, you know. They try to sell you this jumbo drink, 8 extra ounces of watered Down cherry coke for an extra 25 cents. I don't want it. I don't want that much organziation in my life. I don't want other people thinking for me. I want my junior mints. where did the junior mints go in the Movies. I don't want a 12 lb. nestles crunch for 25 dollars. i Want junior mints.
We need more fruitcakes in this world and less bakers! We need people that care! Im mad as hell! and I don't want to Take it anymore!
Chorus: Fruitcakes in the kitchen (fruitcakes in the kitchen) Fruitcakes on the street (fruitcakes on the street) Struttin naked through the crosswalk In the middle of the week Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven) Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus) There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
Paradise, lost and found Paradise, take a look around I was out in california where I hear they have it all They got riots, fires, mud slides They've got sushi in the mall Water bars, brontasaurs, chinese modern lust Shake and bake life with the quake The secrets in the crust
Chorus: Fruitcakes in the kitchen (fruitcakes in the kitchen) Fruitcakes on the street (fruitcakes on the street) Struttin naked through the crosswalk In the middle of the week Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven) Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus) There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
--spoken: Speakin of fruitcakes, how bout the government? Your tax dollars at work.
We lost our martian rocket ship The high paid spokesman said Looks like that silly rocket ship Has lost it's cone shaped head We spent 90 jillion dollars trying to get a look at mars I hear universal laughter ringing out among the stars
Chorus: Fruitcakes in the galaxy (fruitcakes in the galaxy) Fuitcakes on the earth (fruitcakes on the earth) Struttin naked towards eternity Weve been that way since birth Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven) Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus) There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
--spoken: Religion! religion! oh, there's a thin line between saturday Night and sunday morning. here we go now. Alright, alter boys.
Mea culpa mea culpamea maxima culpa Mea culpa mea culpa mea maxima culpa
Wheres the church, who took the steeple Religion is in the hands of some crazy-ass people Television preachers with bad hair and dimples The gods honest truth is it's not that simple Its the buddhist in you, it's the pagan in me Its the muslim in him, she's catholic aint she? Its the born again look it's the wasp and the jew Tell me what's goin on, I aint gotta clue
--spoken: Now here comes the big ones. relationships! we all got em, we All want em. what do we do with em? Here we go, I'll tell ya.
She said you gotta do your fair share Now cough up half the rent I treat my body like a temple You treat yours like a tent But the right word at the right time May get me a little hug That's the difference between lightning And a harmless lightnin bug
Chorus: Fruitcakes in the kitchen (fruitcakes in the kitchen) Fruitcakes on the street (fruitcakes on the street) Struttin naked through the crosswalk In the middle of the week Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven) Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus) There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
--spoken: The future. captains log, stardate two thousand and something.
Were seven years from the millenium That's a science fiction fact Stanley kubrick and his buddy hal Now don't look that abstract So I'll put on my bob marley tape And practice what I preach Get jah lost in the reggae mon As I walk along the beach Stay in touch with my insanity really is the only way Its a jungle out there kiddies Have a very fruitful day Hey.
Chorus: Fruitcakes in the kitchen (fruitcakes in the kitchen) Fruitcakes on the street (fruitcakes on the street) Struttin naked through the crosswalk In the middle of the week Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven) Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus) There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
--spoken: That's right, you too. yeah those crumbs are spread all around This universe. Ive seen fruitcakes. I saw this guy in santa Monica rollerskate naked through the crosswalk. down in new Orleans in the french market there are fruitcakes like you cannot Believe. new york, forget it. fruitcake city. down island, weve got Fruitcakes. spread them crumbs around. that's right, we want Em around. keep bakin baby. keep bakin
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